“The journey of a kid mesmerized by Shiva to finding his Guru”.
Part 1 –
Shiva – ‘The Ultimate Yogi & Warrior’; ‘The Lord of all Gods’;
‘The Giver of all Boons’ etc, is known by numerous names &
legendary folklore’s since time immemorial.
Legend has it that Sage Parashurama (Teacher of Kalarippayattu aka mother of all martial arts) was the foremost student of Lord Shiva and armed with the knowledge of all weapons, warfare and esoteric powers, even the Gods feared to battle Parashurama, who later became the teacher to great warriors like Bhishma, Dhrona (teacher of Arjuna) and Karna (my favourite character) in the great Sanskrit epic ‘The Mahabharata’.
There are stories we read, and then there are stories we live. This is mine, a story of my first encounter with Shiva, at around 8 years young, when my Mother took me for Yoga classes at the Yogniketan centre / gym in my hometown of Baroda and behold!!! It was there that my eyes and attention were caught (like some hypnotic magic), by the magnanimous statue and photo of Lord Shiva also known as Pashupatinath, Mahadeva, Rudra etc.
I was immediately fascinated, mesmerised and inspired by Shiva’s calmness, simplicity and paramount physique.
Being born and bought up in a Catholic faith family, I vividly remember asking my mother “Mummy why doesn’t Jesus have muscles like Shiva. Jesus is so skinny. He didn’t even have any cool weapons to fight back when captured. I want to be like Shiva and not Jesus” (I chuckle at the innocence of that little kid today). However, I will leave my Mother’s reaction to your imagination?!
Well, I may not remember the whack on my head or the mouthful from my Mother, but I do remember that evening, was the sprouting seed of my ultimate love affair of fidelity, inspiration and unconditional devotion, towards Shiva.
In the 90’s, we had the good ol’ Door-Darshan, VHS tapes and power cuts. Knowing Shiva mythologically in my early teens, came through watching epic tele serials like ‘Mahabharata’, ‘Vishnupuran’, ‘Om Namah Shivaya’ etc on Door-Darshan TV channel back.
A big heartfelt thank you to one of my friend’s dads, who lovingly recorded every episode of our favorite serials on VHS tapes. Those tapes were our Netflix before Netflix existed! We watched, re-watched, and practically memorized every scene that brought us joy, laughter, and a sense of wonder during those scorching summer holiday afternoons year after year. (If you’re a ’90s kid, you know exactly what I mean. Ours was a golden era – pure and unforgettable.)
After being inspired with the ‘Tapasya’ (Penance) of all the mythological characters who pleased Lord Shiva and received boons in return, I too wanted to experience the same. Hence I use to religiously escape at nights pre or post dinner, to the rooftop terrace of our building called ‘Gayatri Apartments’. I would climb to the highest point of our building’s terrace, a spot that, quite frankly, was ridiculously dangerous to access, with no protective barriers, no support, just sheer youthful stupidity and divine determination; one slip & meeting the Almighty Divine was guaranteed. 😛
Somehow, none of these dangers ever seemed to hinder or dampen my dare-devil & enthusiastic zest to see Shiva. Each night, I would find myself trekking the treacherous peak, overlooking the entire city in silence, meditating and chanting ‘Om Namah Shivaya’. The resonant chimes of our three nearby temple bells and chorus chanting of mantras in the background use to give me goose bumps while I did my ‘Tapasya’ beneath the vast, star-studded sky and silvery glow of the moonlight.
There were times I’d sit there, staring into the vast star studded sky, almost willing it to crack open with a blinding flash of Divine Light, piercing the fabric of the cosmos! Expecting Shiva to descend in all His radiant glory and might, right before my eyes! Something like this image below!
Mahadev & Me – Somewhere in a Parallel Cosmic Universe
This all happened without the knowledge of anyone of course & occasionally my younger brother would catch me meditating and yell out to me, disturbing my ‘Tapasya’. And as you can imagine, I literally enacted like the violet sage ‘Parashurama’ about to curse or beat him, and before I could do so, he would run to my parents to wait and watch if I did anything to him or else he could complain to them and that would be the end of my ‘Tapasya’. 😛 (Ah, the joys of sibling blackmail lol)
Fate has its own sense of humour and grace they say – Later on high school, little did I know that I would be selected to play the silent role of Lord Shiva, standing in Vrikshasana (Tree Pose) for nearly 8 minutes of classical Bharatanatyam dance being performed by all the popular and good looking girls of my school.
They had to worship Lord Shiva (aka Me) throughout the dance & all my classmates use to tease and/or be jealous of me in scoring the role, which came about through a very tough audition of all boys failing to stand even for 1 minute in this austere, rigorous & difficult pose.
I passed the audition with unexpected ease, perhaps because of my intensive sports and athletic background, but more so, deep down, I knew portraying Shiva wasn’t just an audition, it felt like destiny knocking. All I could think was: “This is my chance to please and become like Shiva, the eternal warrior.. even if it was just for a moment”.
Many teachers & friends commented, “Willbur, you are so lucky to be playing Lord Shiva’s role’ ; ‘You resemble like a tapasvi (an ascetic), with your eyes closed, fully focused on stage’ ; ‘Don’t the girls giggling distract you?’ etc etc.
At the time, none of the comments really mattered, as standing in that Vrikshasana pose with my eyes closed, the noise around me would fade into silence anyways. Enacting the role of Shiva was the ultimate high at the time and that remains for sure, as one of the most memorable moments of unwavering focus, unconditional devotion and deep love for Shiva.
In University too, when I received my ‘Wings of Freedom – Splendor Motorbike’, I used to bunk University and often drive to ‘Pavagadh’ – One of the prominent ‘Shakti Peeths’ in Gujarat.
Maa Shakti being the consort of Shiva, was my bribing companion in seeking any wishes, desires or needs from Shiva; Somewhat similar to a child requesting his/her Mother to speak with Dad when they want to get anything done.
This may sound outright funny, spooky or weird, but when I used to train at the Yogniketan gym (a modern ‘akhada’) in Baroda, I mentally used to believe that Sage Parashurama was my Bodybuilding Coach who was enabling me to achieve the same physique and mindset like Arjuna or Karna, so that one day I too can be capable and worthy like these warriors to gain Shiva’s ultimate weapon called the ‘Pashupatastra’.
Shiva for me, represented the ultimate pinnacle and epitome of Masculinity;
What a Man should strive to be in true essence of Spirit, Mind and Body.
And so, what began as a childhood fascination soon blossomed into a sacred bond, one that would shape my choices, my faith, and eventually lead me to someone far greater than I could’ve imagined… my Guru.
How does a boy raised in a Catholic family, utterly captivated by Shiva, find his way across the maze of faith, fate, and inner longing to the living embodiment of Divine wisdom?
How does that mysterious force called Grace intervene in the most unexpected ways?
To continue this journey, click on Part 2
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